


It's a Cold and It's a Broken Hallelujah

by hubluhbluhbluhbleh



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe, Anger, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bargaining, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Memories, Denial, Depression, Everybody Supporting Wanda, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Isolation, Memories, Pietro's funeral, kind of an alternate universe, lots of sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-06 17:50:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11605788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hubluhbluhbluhbleh/pseuds/hubluhbluhbluhbleh
Summary: Wanda is dealing with the death of Pietro in her own way. Alone. Then with the help of her new family.





	It's a Cold and It's a Broken Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what triggered me to write something like this, but I hope you all enjoy it! By the way, this is kind of an alternate universe.

She could feel it. The heavy pressure pushing down on her chest. She knew something was wrong. She knew it was Pietro. She fell to her knees and let out a bludgeoning cry. Everybody around her felt it. The scarlet flowing from her fingertips send shock waves through everyone in close proximity. Everybody around her is physically hurt because of her grief. That is difficult to bear. But when Clint rushes over to confirm it for her, Wanda knows everything is going to be different from now on. That is difficult to accept.

The rest of the Avengers pick themselves off the ground and stare at her. Steve Rogers is the first one to slowly walk to her. He sits next to her on the rubble and gently rubs her back as she sobs into her hands. She doesn't want to see the expression on everyone's faces. She knows what their expressions look like.

Wanda loses it when she sees his body. She is in awe of the condition his body is in, and she can't bring herself to look anymore. She can't look at her brother anymore. Every time she thinks of him, she will only see this image, and she can't think of this image when she thinks about Pietro. Clint helps her walk away. She's crying again, and everything is happening too fast for her. She is helped onto the Quinjet where she is immediately put into a seat and buckled up. She raises her knees up to her chest and hides her face again. She pictures Pietro's body laying in the rubble of their battle, and the tears flow again.

Natasha Romanoff sits beside her. She unbuckles Wanda when the Quinjet is in the air and pulls her into a hug. Natasha comforts Wanda as she cries and tries to find the right words to say, but what can you say to a girl who has lost the only person left in her family? Wanda grips onto Natasha's arm and cries harder, which Natasha didn't think was possible. Steve looks at the two women, and Natasha looks back at him with tears in her eyes (Should this be affecting a spy as much as it is?). Neither of them have to say anything with their lips. Their eyes do all the talking, and Steve gets the notion to join his two colleagues. He wraps his arms around the kid and lets her take her time.

Leave it to Tony Stark to be the first person to get her to speak. Wanda has been in her room for the last week, and everybody is worried about her, so Tony opens her door and steps inside the dark room. He sits at the foot of her bed and waits until she finally sits up to meet him.

"If there is anything you need, kid, don't hesitate to ask me. We all care about you around you, and we want you to know that we are here for support and comfort and anything else you need," Tony says.

He's about to leave, but she touches his hand. He looks back at her, and her bright green eyes are sparkling with tears.

"Thank you."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Denial and Isolation:

Wanda still hasn't left her room, but she is finally getting up out of bed. She has taken all of her pictures of her Pietro off her walls. She tucks them away under her bed and thinks no more of them. She opens the curtains to her room and allows a bit of sunlight in for the first time in two weeks. She still feels the sting throughout her body. She's never felt pain like this before. Not even when she was with Hydra.

She hears a knock at her door, and she hesitates but decides to open it anyway only to be greeted by Vision standing next to an unfamiliar face. He introduces himself as T'Challa, King of a country called Wakanda. Wanda has heard of him before. When she would crack her door open to listen to what the others were talking about, she could hear him talking to Steve, Natasha, Sam, and Tony.

Wanda shakes his hand and invites him into her room. Vision walks away as Wanda closes the door behind him and watches T'Challa closely. She sits down on her bed and watches him.

"I was told that you might not be up for company due to what happened. I am very sorry about your loss, Miss Maximoff," T'Challa says.

"I didn't know they told you. I invited you in because I thought you wouldn't look at me with pity like the rest of them do," Wanda responds. She has to clear her dry throat, which has only been used to swallow food that would be brought to her door every morning, noon, and night.

"Trust me, Miss Maximoff, I do not pity you. I understand what it is like to have lost a loved one. I lost my father in an explosion, and I did the very same thing you are doing right now," T'Challa assures.

Wanda sees the sincerity in his eyes as he speaks. She also sees a hint of a tear in the corner of his eye, but she doesn't say anything about it.

"You did?"

"Yes. It is a process to grieve for somebody, and everybody grieves differently. It may not seem like it now, but it will get easier not to cry everyday. There will be a new normal to get used to, but I think the new normal for you to get used to will all work out in the end. Everybody outside that door cares about you, and they are rooting for you," T'Challa says.

"What did you say your name was again?" Wanda asks as T'Challa heads for the door.

"T'Challa. I am new here, like you."

"Thank you, T'Challa," Wanda says. T'Challa leaves with a nod, and Wanda slumps to her bed and cries again. This will be a new normal she will have to get used to. She's been denying to herself for weeks now.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anger:

Wanda finally releases herself from the comforts of her bedroom and begins spending time in the main room. The first time she does this doesn't go well. She has a blanket wrapped around her, and she sits comfortably on the couch before she realizes that she isn't alone like she hoped she would be. She looks to the chair adjacent to the couch and sees Rhodey. He's reading a book when she walks in and catches his attention. He looks at her and nods his head with a small, unrealistic smile in his face. She nods back and tries to relax when she feels the presence of another person sitting beside her. That's when Vision makes himself noticeable.

"You scared the hell out of me," Wanda says.

"I'm sorry to do so, Wanda."

She sits there in silence and rests her head against the back of the couch. Clint Barton walks in and makes himself comfortable in the chair on the other side of the couch. Clint has been trying to help Wanda since Pietro's death, but she only rejects his help and walks back to her room.

"How are you feeling?" Vision asks.

"I feel like I'm not in the mood to talk about anything," Wanda responds.

Vision stares at her, not knowing what to do before he turns his attention away from her. She snuggles up to her blanket and takes a deep breath. She can sense the tension in the room, and she knows that Vision and Rhodey are staring at her. She scoots further away from Vision to the opposite end of the couch, feeling a little bit more comfortable. But she could feel the weight of their eyes on her, and she can't take it. The anger boils in her stomach, and she can't hold it in.

"Can you both stop staring at me?" Wanda snaps. "I know it's been forever since I left my room, but this is why I can't come out because I know that everyone is looking at me, and I can't handle it!"

This catches the attention of Steve, Natasha, and Sam out in the hallway. They walk into the main room to see what's happening.

"Wanda. We didn't mean to-"

"Save it, Vision! I don't want to hear anything!" Wanda yells.

"Wanda? Why are you being this way?" Vision asks.

"Why? Maybe because the only person I had left in my family died the other week! It's not like loosing a favorite item! Pietro was a person! He was my brother, and he's gone, and I have nobody! I couldn't save him! Nobody tried! And now I am alone!" At this point, Wanda is in tears. "I was told that everybody here cares about me and wants me to get better, but I can't do that when everybody stares at me with pity in their eyes every damn time I leave my bedroom!"

Wanda storms out of the main room and back to her bedroom. She slams the door and falls to her knees again. She doesn't know how long she cries before there is a knock at the door. She slowly gets up out of the floor and opens the door.

"What do you want, Sam?"

"I came because I know you don't want to be in here alone," Sam responds. They both take a seat at the bottom of her bed as Wanda wipes the last few tears off her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I feel so bad," She says.

"It's alright. You know how intruding Vision can be," Sam says.

"I shouldn't have yelled at him. He doesn't know any better."

"Yea, but I think he knows now. Sometimes you just need to let things out. Don't bottle your emotions up," Sam tells her. She nods and wipes another stray tear out of her eyes. "Look. We all discussed it, and if it's alright with you, we want to give Pietro a proper funeral."

"What?" Wanda asks. "Really?"

"Yea. We didn't know Pietro like you did, but he was still apart of our team, and we want to give you a proper goodbye to your brother," Sam responds. Wanda, with tears in her eyes, lays her head on Sam's shoulder. He wraps an arm around her and holds her close.

"Sam?"

"Huh?"

"Did you ever talk to veterans about loss at the VA?" Wanda asks.

"All the time. A lot of people lost their best friends. A lot of people lost people whom they considered family. It's never easy to talk to someone who is grieving, so I don't. I listen, and I comfort them. I tell them that it will never get better, but it will get easier. It will take some time, but they are never alone," Sam says.

"Do any of them ever feel like it will never get easier? Do any of them feel alone anyway?"

"All the time. It's a natural part of life. Even a life where there are people with super powers. People seems to forget that just because we have super strength or super speed or physical healing attributes that we don't feel normal human feelings. That's just not the case as you have proved for yourself that it isn't. That's why we are a team, though. Because not enough people see things like that. Nobody in this building sees you as you think they do, but I know I can't just say that and have you believe it. So we're gonna prove it to you, which is why we want to give Pietro a funeral," Sam says.

Wanda and Sam stand up and walk out to the main room where all the Avengers are now sitting. All the attention is turned towards Wanda as she and Sam enter the room.

"First, I would like to apologize for getting angry with all of you. I don't know what happened that caused me to react that way, so I hope I can be forgiven."

"It's alright, Wanda." Vision replies.

"Now, I would like to say something to all of you. I know all of you want to help me, and I really appreciate all of you wanting to give Pietro a funeral. But I don't know if I can go through with it. I am afraid I will hurt all of you again," Wanda admits.

All of the Avengers sigh with her words, finally understanding why she has been isolating herself. Natasha walks over to her and gives her a hug. She pats Wanda gently on the back and looks at her.

"I promise, you won't be the one hurting us. We're all behind you, and we want you to get better. If that means you have to grieve for Pietro for a few weeks or a few months, then the team is right here to make sure you don't do it alone. That's why we are all arranging a funeral and attending it."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The service is beautiful. Wanda has never planned a funeral before, so she receives help from her teammates Clint, who has been by her side every step of the way, Tony, who said he would pay for the arrangements, and Steve, who knows what it's like to lose a brother.

Everyone is wearing dark blue. She is wearing a navy blue dress that falls right to the middle of her thighs. She's wearing the necklace that she gave Pietro when they were exploring through Venice. She took this necklace off of him before they took his body. Steve tells her that most people wear black at funerals, but Wanda decides that everyone has to wear blue because it was Pietro's favorite color. They also are having a funeral outside because she knows how much Pietro loved to be outside, which surprised her because they had to spend a lot of time outside as children.

Wanda decided she wanted Pietro to be cremated. She didn't want to have to see his body in the condition it was in when he died. So his ashes were placed in a silver urn and setting atop a tall stool next to a picture of him and Wanda that she picked out. It was the last picture they had taken together before they were experimented on by Hydra. There were many candles flickering around the venue where Wanda stood and met with her teammates. They hug her and give their condolences before taking a seat in chairs under the tents outside. She takes a seat when the service starts.

Tony steps up to the podium beside the tall stool. "Friends. It's a rare occasion when we meet under these unfortunate circumstances to say goodbye to someone like us. Though Pietro didn't get to spend much time with us, he still made a place in our hearts as a teammate and as a friend. His speed could never match the capacity of how big his heart was, and I think that meant a lot to him. When we met Wanda and Pietro, they were a duo who wanted to hurt us, but this duo decided to fight against evil with us and become apart of the team. Pietro died doing what did best, protecting people, and we should all marvel in his bravery to protect others from getting killed. Now, I will ask his twin sister, Wanda, to come up here and say a few words."

Wanda slowly stands up. She looks back at her friends before stepping up to the podium and earning a hug and pat on the back from Tony. She calms her nerves down and looks over at the picture of Pietro on the stool next to her. She knows everybody is looking at her now, but she can't not say anything.

"Thank you all for being here. I know how much this would mean to Pietro, and it means so much to me to know that I have the support that I do. I was hesitant about joining the Avengers at first because I wasn't sure of who I should trust besides my brother. He talked me into it. He talked to me about having a family here, and I laughed at him. I told him that our family was gone. He told me that family isn't just who you are related to through genetics but who you can be comfortable around and share your deepest darkest secrets without getting judged or made fun of. So I still didn't want to join, but he was so adamant that family would be a prevalent thing with the Avengers that all I wanted to do was give him the family he deserved. I wanted to make him happy, but I didn't know, at the time, that I would grow to be comfortable with all of you. I could tell all of you my deepest darkest secrets, and I never felt judged, and I was never made fun of. I knew he would end up being right because he's my older brother. He never put us into a situation where both of us would be hurt. He was very protective of me, and I took it for granted. He had such a kind heart. I am forever grateful to have grown up with him by my side every step of the way. Now I am by myself, but I know he's still right beside me," Wanda chokes on her sobs and wipes tears away from her eyes as she takes a seat.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bargaining:

Everyone else is gone from the funeral except Clint Barton. Wanda, holding the urn with Pietro's ashes, sits beside him at one of the tables.

"I should've done more," Clint says.

"What?" Wanda asks.

"I should've done everything I could to make sure he didn't get killed. If I had just moved a split second earlier, he'd probably still be here with us," Clint says.

"I tell myself the same thing, Clint. I sit in my room at night and wonder what kind of spell I could've used to protect him. Why couldn't I have gone with him and make a force field around all of us? Why didn't I do that?" Wanda explains.

"I feel like I am the one to blame, and I don't understand why you don't hate me," Clint says.

"You're not the one to blame. That's why i don't hate you, and Pietro wouldn't want me to hold a grudge against you anyway. I could've done more. I could be the one to blame, but Pietro wouldn't want us to sit around for the rest of our lives blaming ourselves for something like this."

Clint looks at Wanda and gives her a hug, "I liked your speech about him. And you're right, he's still right here beside you. But he's not the only one. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to give me a call. I owe you."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Depression

It's two in the morning, and Wanda is wide awake, wailing into her pillows. She just had a dream about him, and she can't control her sadness. She feels the despair and hopelessness continue to build in the pit of her stomach, and she's waiting to release it all through her sobs. But every time she cries, the hopelessness and despair continue to pour into her soul. She feels like there is no where to go.

She wakes up after crying herself to sleep, again, but it doesn't last long. When she wakes, she sees three-thirty on her clock, and a restless feeling build up in her legs. She stands up and walks out of her room, thinking a glass of milk will help her or something. She has to try something. She walks into the kitchen and grabs a cup before walking to the fridge and grabbing the jug of milk, pouring herself a glass. She takes a sip and a deep breath while she rests the cup and her arms on the counter behind her. She rubs her forehead, which is in pain from the pressure of her tears.

She opens her eyes and sees a figure staring at her. She's startled because she has never seen him before. She thinks? He might look a little familiar.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," The man says. Wanda hasn't met this man before. She would remember a pair of eyes like his. But she does remember Steve talking to her about his friend from a hundred years ago coming to live with them or something. She didn't complain when Steve brought up his friend, but she wasn't really paying attention to anything like she usually does. It's almost like everything she used to enjoy doing stopped bringing her joy, and she didn't know how she particularly felt about that.

"It's alright. I wasn't expecting anyone to be in here at this time of the night," Wanda responds. "What brings you in here at three-thirty in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep. I'm not used to this place, and I'm not used to sleeping on an actual bed instead of the floor."

"Me too."

They stare at each other as they finish drinking their late night beverages. Wanda washes her cup out and goes back to her room.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wanda hears a knock on her door at two forty-five in the morning. She slowly wipes her tears from her face and tries to make herself appear like she hasn't been crying for the last hour and a half over another nightmare involving Pietro. She opens the door after she fixes herself up and sees her neighbor, the new guy.

Wanda has run into the new guy twice since she first encountered him a week ago. She found out that his name is James, but his friends call him Bucky. She decided that she wasn't really fond of the nickname, so she decided to call him James. He told her that it's okay if she called him James, as long as she was the only one to do so, which put a genuine smile on her face for the first time in months.

"Hey. What do you want?" Wanda greets him.

"I don't want you to feel bad anymore," James responds.

Wanda furrows her eyebrows in confusion and allows him into her room, shutting the door behind him.

"I don't understand. What do you mean?" She asks.

"Well. I've only been here for a week, and we just met, but I couldn't help myself from coming over here after hearing you cry all night," James says.

Wanda is left dumbfounded. Was she really that loud of a crier? How come this man couldn't leave her alone about it? And why does he feel the need to come to her room because of it? Everybody else has completely ignored it. Why couldn't he? She feels like she is going to throw up because she doesn't want to explain what happened that has led up to her crying herself to sleep almost every night.

"I figured you could use some company. I don't know what has happened to you to make you cry yourself to sleep every night, but I'm not here to talk about it. I know that sometimes, you need to get your mind off of things, and I am in need of someone to talk to who doesn't ask me about regaining my memories all the time," James says.

"That actually sounds nice," Wanda says. She sits on the maroon covered sheets on the bed as James follows her lead. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but is that part of the reason why you never sleep?"

"My memories? No. I've actually gained a lot of my memory back. I'm just used to being up late. I'm trying to fix my sleeping schedule, but it's harder than it looks," James responds.

"Okay. That's all I wanted to know."

"Cool."

They spend the rest of the night talking. And they talk about everything. They learn about each other's childhood, their favorite foods, music, movies, and colors. Wanda can feel some of the pressure release from her chest when she talks to James, and she feels relaxed for the first time when they fall asleep together in her bed.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wanda likes talking to James. It's one of the only enjoyable parts of her day. Even a simple one minute conversation can help her immensely, but it's when she has to go bed or when James is on a mission with the rest of the team that all of her anxiety comes back to her.

One day in particular, Wanda is walking towards her closet when she stubs her toe on something sticking out from under her bed. She looks down to see what has caused pain in her, now, throbbing big toe, so she reaches for the dark piece of wood only to find that giant picture frame filled with pictures of Pietro and the rest of her family. She sees how happy he is in every single picture and covers her mouth with her hand to muzzle the sobs. Her hands start shaking when she looks at the pictures, but she can't leave it sitting under her bed any longer. It's been three months since Pietro died, and she finally thinks she might be ready to hang a few picture back up. With shaky hands, she gets the job done but finds herself feeling even more sad than ever.

When James knocks on her door and opens it, he sees Wanda on her bed with her face buried between her curled up legs. He closes the door and sits on Wanda's bed, pulling her into his arms and embracing her like nobody else of the Avengers had.

"Is that your brother?" James asks about the new pictures hanging up on her wall.

Wanda looks up from her knees and nods at him. "Pietro. My twin."

James puts the pieces together and understand how she has just lost him, and his heart breaks for her. He's certainly been in her position before. He continues to hug her for as long as she allows him to before she pulls away from him.

"I thought everything would be okay now. The team planned a funeral for him, and it was beautiful, but it didn't really feel like a goodbye. I don't know how to say goodbye to him, James, and that's what is making everything hard for me," Wanda explains.

"I understand. I have an idea."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wanda closes the car door, holding Pietro's ashes. James closes the door and catches up with Wanda who is walking towards a creek surrounded by tall trees. She stands in front of the creek and waits for James to catch up.

"Was this place special to Pietro?" James asks.

"Yea. If you follow the creek that way, then you will find where our childhood home used to bed. Pietro and I used to swim in this creek when we were children, and Pietro would still come here when he needed time to be alone or think or just enjoy a private moment. He always told me that this creek will be his happy place," Wanda says with tears stinging her eyes.

"Okay. I'll leave you alone until you're ready," James says. Wanda nods and watches James walk away from her, giving her a little bit of alone time with her brother.

"Alright. You know how hard this has been on me, Pietro. I miss you so much, everyday, but I know that, where ever you are, you are happy, and you are healthy. It gives me peace of mind to know that, but then I think about places like this. I think about your favorite food. I think about you, and I can't help but feel this aching in my heart. I want you to know that just because I am dropping you off here doesn't mean I am saying goodbye. You deserve to be free, and I want you to be free. I miss you, and I love you so much, Pietro," Wanda says, opening the urn and slowly spreading Pietro's ashes over the one place where she knew he was happy here on earth. She closes the lid to the urn when all the ashes are gone and wipes the tears from her eyes.

"I love you. Don't forget about me."

She walks over to where James is standing there with his arm spread out for her. She wraps her arms around him tightly and lets herself get lost in his embrace. She finally allows herself to breathe. She finally feels like Pietro is happy. She finally feels like she can start to be happy because of it.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James and Wanda walk in the tower together with Wanda hugging his arm. They walk to the main room and sit together on the couch. She leans her head on his shoulder and gently tugs at a string on James' jacket.

"Thank you for coming with me, James. It would've been a different trip had anybody else come with me," Wanda says.

"It's no problem. You've become one of the few people here who I trust, so I don't want to mess that up. I will do anything for you, whenever you need me," James assures her.

"Is there anyway I can repay you?" Wanda asks.

"No. You're already being so nice and cool about me being here, and that's all I could ask for in an environment like this, especially considering half of these people wanted me locked away in prison or killed or something," James says.

Wanda nods and lays her head back on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around her, and they both fall asleep right there on the couch.

When Wanda notices she is awake. She isn't in James' arms anymore, but in her own bed. James must've carried her here, but she doesn't open her eyes because she can hear James talking with who she believes is Steve. She takes a chance to shuffle around a little bit in her "sleep". She really does want to go back to sleep, but the conversation James is having with Steve catches her attention to where she can't fall back asleep.

"You really do like her, huh?" Steve asks.

Wanda hears James take a deep breath. "I really do. This is weird for me, Steve. I've never felt this way about a girl before. Not to mention that she's in her twenties, and I'm a ninety-eight year old man."

James is speaking in a whispered tone, but she can still make out what they are saying from her doorway. "I don't know what to do because she's so nice, and she's still grieving. I don't want to mess things up for us. Help me out. I don't know anything."

"Wow. Bucky Barnes is asking Steve Rogers for advice about women. Who'd ever think this day would come?" Steve teases.

"Very funny, punk," Bucky says.

Wanda almost smile, but she turns around in her sleep again and pulls her covers against her. She can feel her cheeks heat up as she thinks about James having feelings for her. What does she do from here?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Acceptance:

Wanda finds the rest of her pictures under her bed and in her closet and puts them out again. It's been five months since she scattered Pietro's ashes by the creek they would play at together as children, and she finds herself going back there on bad days. But it really helps her to go back. She feels so much relief from going there, and she has finally reached a level of peace and maybe even happiness in her life again.

She misses Pietro dearly everyday, but she always find comfort with memories of him, spending time with James, and getting to know and love her new family.

She walks over to James and plants a kiss on his lips as a greeting. He wraps both of his arms around her and pulls her close to him. They have been together for a few months now, and Wanda couldn't feel more happy about her relationship with James.

He helped her when she needed it the most, and he helped her find peace with Pietro's death. She doesn't know how he did it, but he did, and she is still trying to find a way to repay him.

"I love seeing that beautiful smile of yours," James tells her, causing a smile to form on her face.

"I love you," Wanda says.

This is the first time either one of them had said that, and Wanda doesn't know what to do about the look on his face when she says it to him, but she knows that what she feels isn't a lie. She doesn't know how she'll take it if he doesn't love her back.

Fortunately, she doesn't have to find out.

"I love you too, my doll," James responds.

They kiss again before Wanda pulls away.

"Pietro would like you."

And they kiss again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this made anyone sad or cry. I had to add that fluff at the end though. I cried writing this, and I wanted to do it justice, so I hope y'all liked it. Let me know! Thank you for taking the time to read this. I have a lot on my mind. Love you!


End file.
